


Their way back home

by Pegship



Category: Castle
Genre: Aftermath, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s07e01 Driven, F/M, Family, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 10:08:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2384486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegship/pseuds/Pegship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate is appalled at herself, and she owes Rick an apology, but as usual, he surprises her. Spoilers for the season premiere of Castle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Their way back home

"We'll find our way."

There it is again. That irrepressible hope that is the core of what she loves in him. One part of her is, as usual, stunned and bewildered and captivated by it. Another part of her, the cynical, world-weary edges, softens just a little at the sound of it.

Part of her knows exactly what the first step in finding their way must be.

She draws a shaky breath and forces herself to sit up, put distance between them.

"Castle - Rick," she says. "I have to tell you - something."

All his attention is on her - she can feel it - but she can't meet his eyes. For once he doesn't make a witty remark; if he does she'll lose her nerve completely and bolt.

"What I went through, while you were gone - you're right, that was - the worst. Not knowing whether you were even alive. Well, I thought that was the worst."

"Kate," he murmurs, taking her hand. "What could be worse than that?"

She shudders, not from fear or sorrow, but as though she's about to vomit.

"Thinking you did it on purpose." The words rush out, ugly and stark. Once she starts, she can't stop. "I didn't want to consider the evidence. Evidence that seemed to show you'd planned to disappear, make it look like a kidnapping. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see any other reason for you just vanishing. I hated, at first, when anyone tried to hint at it, but - Two months, Rick. Over time, the idea crawled into my head, my heart, and when you turned up and I went off looking for more clues - I thought I would be helping you, helping us."

"But it just raised more questions, more doubts," he says softly.

"Yes!" She springs up to pace, still not looking at him. "And I couldn't push past them. When Tyson set you up, I _knew_ , I knew something was wrong with that picture. This time, I couldn't fathom why anyone would do this to you - let alone why it looked like you were cooperating with them. I hit that wall and I couldn't step back or move forward. I couldn't believe the evidence - but I couldn't deny it, either."

"Kate - no one would expect you to stand firm in the face of that. I have only the tiniest inkling of what you and Mother and Alexis went through and I am - amazed at the strength you've all shown. And I'm not kidding when I say that maybe all those hours of staring at my picture, or that chair, did something to keep me alive, bring me back to you."

She stops and finally meets his eyes; there are tears spilling down her face and her heart aches.

"I should have known better," she chokes out. "Should have trusted you. Should have had faith, after all we've been through together, that you'd never in a million years do this to the people you love."

"To you," he says simply. It takes the wind out of her sails and she slumps down on her knees, on the carpet, sits back on her heels. Now she can't look away from him.

She takes a deep breath and echoes, "To me."

They sit staring at each other for a long time. She manages to catch her breath and wipes her face with her sleeve. Eventually he heaves a sigh and asks, "Did you talk to anyone else about it?"

She's not expecting that. She doesn't know what to expect any more. She's seen him angry, scared out of his mind, determined, hurt, passionate, but for once she can't read him.

"I asked Martha and Alexis," she says in a small voice, "if they knew of anything that might make you want to disappear. Anything about me."

"They thought you were nuts, didn't they."

"Yes."

"But you still wondered."

"Yes," she whispers. "I'm ashamed to say it."

He frowns. Then he slides down to sit on the floor in front of her and takes her hands in his as her tears start to flow again.

"Hey," he says. "I only asked because - well, it was bad enough when I found out how long I'd been gone and how little anyone knew. It would have been even worse to find out that you had to deal with your demons alone. That's my job, and I'm so sorry I couldn't help you, that I was the cause of your trouble."

"Sorry! I'm the one who's sorry," she bursts out. "I hate that, even for a moment, I actually thought you'd engineered this whole plot, some crazy, elaborate scheme so you could fall off the grid and - and - "

She faltered, still unable to imagine why anyone would want to disappear so completely. Let alone Richard Castle, Mr. Gregarious, who spoke up to finish her thought.

"And go live in a beach hut where nobody knows me? Become a hermit like the Unabomber? Sequester myself from my adoring public?"

She looked up and saw that he was teasing her, not being snarky, a twitch of a smile at one corner of his mouth.

"That's just it, though. I should have known how unlikely, how impossible it was that you would do such a thing. I can't forgive myself for that. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

She dropped her head into her hands, appalled at herself.

A pair of sun-roughened hands gently pulled her hands away from her face, kissing her fingers, and he scooted closer and lifted her bodily into his lap, cradling her.

"There is nothing to forgive," he murmured into her hair. "Unless being a mortal woman with a mortal heart, in love with a fallible, mortal man, is a sin of some kind. I don't think any less of you for your wild doubts. I don't blame you - I blame the people who did this to me, to you, to my family. Anyone who could drive you to think - well, let's not go over that again."

"Let's not."

Kate lay quietly in his arms, a place she had nearly given up on finding again, the place where she belonged.

"I love you," she whispered. "And I'm still so - "

The kiss that interrupted her was long and deep and it melted the lump of shame inside her, not a total relief, but enough. Enough for her to feel ready to make her way back home.

Their way back home.

**Author's Note:**

> For a prompt on castlefanficprompts.tumblr.com: "Beckett apologizes for her disgusting lack of faith in Castle during 7x01."


End file.
